When It’s Not Your Business—But It Is
Jul 23, 2025When You Know Something You’re Not Supposed to Know
You didn’t ask to be in this situation. But here you are.
Maybe you overheard something. Maybe you’ve seen the glances. Maybe you’ve noticed the special treatment, the unchecked absences, the awkward tension when both names are brought up. Whatever it is, you know. Or at least, you know enough.
And now you’re stuck with the knowing.
Your values whisper, “This isn’t right.”
Your gut says, “Keep your head down and stay out of it.”
And your professional instincts? Torn between ethics and self-preservation.
The Unspoken Damage of Unchecked Power
When boundaries blur between a manager and a direct report, it’s not just gossip fuel. It erodes team trust. It creates real and perceived bias. And it leaves others like you wondering if merit still matters or if advancement now comes with unspoken strings attached.
Even if the relationship is consensual, the power imbalance makes everything complicated. And if it’s hidden or denied, it invites toxicity into the workplace culture.
So What Do You Do When You’re Not the One Involved but You’re Impacted?
- Pause and Reflect, Don’t React
Before saying anything, get clear. What exactly have you witnessed? What’s fact, what’s assumption? Would you feel confident sharing what you know without sounding speculative?
If not, slow down. Not everything we observe is ours to act on.
- Focus on Impact, Not Intrusion
If you choose to raise the issue, center it around fairness, not personal behavior.
For example:
“I’ve noticed some uneven treatment across the team and wanted to flag concerns around perceived favoritism. It’s starting to impact morale.”
This keeps your focus on the workplace, not the private lives of others.
- Check Your Company Policy
Many companies have strict rules about manager-employee relationships, even if consensual. If your concern is valid, it’s possible others have noticed too and that HR may already have context.
That said, proceed with care. Once something is reported, it’s no longer in your hands.
- Protect Your Position and Peace
If you choose silence, you’re not weak. You’re weighing risks. That’s smart. But if the situation is creating a hostile or toxic environment, document what affects your work, not their relationship.
You’re not the ethics police. You’re a professional trying to protect your energy and navigate this with integrity.
- Consider the Bigger Picture
Ask yourself:
Is this something I need to address, or is it a sign I no longer align with this culture?
Sometimes, the most powerful decision isn’t to report. It’s to redirect your energy toward environments where trust, leadership, and ethics are practiced out loud.
You’re Not Alone in the Conflict
If you’re feeling caught between your values and your career survival, that’s real. And it’s exhausting. You’re allowed to not have all the answers. You’re allowed to protect yourself. You’re allowed to care deeply and still not want to get involved.
The key is to honor your values without martyring your peace.
You don’t have to figure it all out at once.
Start with the questions that matter. The Reinvention Starter Journal is designed to reconnect with yourself.
